What's in a Name? A Lily is a Lily...

I have wanted to write you for quite a long time now, but it's been hard. The main issues going on in my life right now would be inappropriate to post where, really, anyone can get at it. These stressful times have been broadcast to my close friends that happened to ask how work was, but I just can't risk putting it all out there. Let's just say the economy has made things... fleeting. Certain aspects of life are now noticeably ephemeral (oxymoron much?), and I struggle with learning to live by the moment. The way I'm dealing with it now is by letting myself know that what I do now was never meant to be permanent. Eventually, we will move somewhere else and it wouldn't have mattered anyway.


Don't worry, none of this has anything to do with family or E or the wedding. All of that is peachy. The important things are stable and they serve as my rock. I think I'm in a good place right now where I've decided that this will do for now, and now is all I need it to do for. Hopefully, things will continue to look up.


On a bright note, after some recent experience, I have decided that I would LOVE to work as a magazine editor. I always thought I'd like to work for a newspaper, magazine or publisher, but now I know I would thrive. Maybe not newspapers since they're going by the wayside and I'm not much of a journalist, but I like talking about layout and editing text. Exciting! I actually had some good ideas today that we ran with and I think it's going to turn out great! I think that I would eventually like to go back to school for more specialized training, but not necessarily to a traditional university. I'll look into journalism or graphic design, probably. Any advice/ experience on this note would be greatly appreciated!

On a much happier note, let's talk weddings! I just finished my save the dates, and most of those will be going out within the next week or so. I'm going to start interviewing florists to reserve them for my date. I really don't expect to need much from the florist. I see no need to spend $2,000 (that's what the average couple pays) on flowers that will die in a week and would have looked nicer in someone's garden. I want locally sourced, sustainable flowers. There is only one type of flower that I want a few blooms of no matter where they need to come from... lilies. That's my flower. I'm thinking stargazer lilies among gerbera daisies. Very innocent with a pop of color. Maybe a few other surprises thrown in, but keeping it simple. I think my bridesmaids will have daisies. As for centerpieces, I really want potted plants that people can take home and continue to care for. Wouldn't it be great for them to look at these flowers in their yard or on their windowsill a year from now (or 3 months, depending on how green their thumbs are), and be reminded of my... I mean, our special day?

My family may be coming to visit in the next few weeks, which means my first wedding dress shopping trip! This is something I have vehemently insisted on doing with my mother. I will not dress shop on my own or without my mom there. It just wouldn't feel right. I feel bad even going into the store. I don't want to fall in love with anything yet. This is mostly to try on different styles and get a feel for what I like and what likes me. It won't matter what dress I love if it doesn't look great on my frame.

Another wedding detail I've been mulling over lately is my name change. Here is what I know:

-I want to take E's name in some form.
-E doesn't want us to have different last names, but is willing to change his own to this end.
-I would like to keep my own name in some form because, really, if I took E's last name (common Anglo-Saxon last name, think "Smith" or "Jones") and lost mine, I would become the most white person ever and no one would believe that I'm actually Hispanic. I already have trouble with parts of my family not being able to pronounce "Shirley." It comes out as Cheer-lee or Chur-lee. I'm pretty sure there is no "Sh" sound in the Spanish language.

Option 1:
For a while we were toying with hyphens. In this scenario, we would both take the new, hyphenated last name. We would be able to choose which name goes 1st or 2nd. The point would be to get both names in there, but for it to be logical for people to use his last name if they choose to call us by just one. Basically, I've been evaluating the user-friendliness of our potential last name. I figure that in order for people to call us Mr. and Mrs. HisLastName, then our hyphenated name would need to be His-Hers, as opposed to Hers-His. I realize, however, that this would mean signing a really long name to everything and the added annoyance of E having to change all of his paperwork to the new name. I have also heard that having a hyphenated name is difficult to convey to people over the phone and that some software is confused by it. E and I really don't need any more silly-mistakes-that-make-life-hell going on.

Option 2:
My maiden name really doesn't need a place of prominence. I just want the option to use it if I want, so I won't have to sign my art differently and I can make it clear that I am not Mrs. Mary Smith, White Person Extraordinaire. So, the other option is to make my maiden name my middle name and take E's name as my own. I think this is the front runner so far. I don't have a middle name, so there is already a void there waiting to be filled. I won't have to worry about having 4 names. I could choose to use my new middle name or just use the initial for it or ignore it entirely if I just want to sign a letter. People would be more likely to call me (and understand that I am) Mrs. HisLastName, but I would be holding on to the identity I've created over the past few years.

Any opinions or ideas on this last name stuff would be great. I'm trying to get as much feedback as possible. Talking (read: posting) really helps me hash it out.